


Love Is A Lie (?)

by BanLo



Category: Vis a Vis | Locked In (Spain TV)
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Longing, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-22 23:40:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30046572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BanLo/pseuds/BanLo
Summary: The attraction inevitable. The denial impermeable. The longing insufferable. The lust undeniable.The love... scorching.
Relationships: Macarena Ferreiro/Zulema Zahir
Comments: 20
Kudos: 44





	1. Time

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> A sudden wave of inspiration overcame me which led me to write and share this story with you!  
> I hope you'll enjoy it!  
> This is my first attempt at writing a fanfiction so hopefully you'll be understanding.  
> Buckle up! This is about to get intense!

Imagination has the power to either uplift or destroy a person. It might be a shelter from reality, but it might just as well distort reality making the fall all the more intense… That’s the case with Zulema, who foolishly dared to think of a future with rubia. What this would entail she was not sure of. And she definitely refused to accept why. She only knew that Maca would be there. 

_“I quit.” ___

__Two words… Two words is all it took to violently bring the brunette back to the harsh reality._ _

_“This is a marriage of convenience.”_

____How stupid of her to believe that maybe, maybe convenience was not the sole reason of their cohabitation. In all her denial, deep down she knew. No matter how fervently she tried to escape the truth, she found herself unable to elude it. She was in love with Macarena. Of course the stubborn side of her always managed to push these feelings to the most esoteric part of herself. An unreachable place where they would remain well hidden, possibly forgotten at some point._ _ _ _

____She was sitting on a rocky side of the beach smoking and pondering. With her hood up she defied the cold that rushed through her not entirely due to the windy afternoon. The sun was slowly setting, creating a scenery that burdened Macarena’s departure with that much more melancholy._ _ _ _

____Her hearing automatically tuned to the sound of the car’s trunk closing. The blonde was ready to leave. Then the brunette heard footsteps coming closer. She didn’t move from her spot. She didn’t even spare a glance at the approaching figure. She didn’t think she could bear it._ _ _ _

____“I wanted to say goodbye…” Zulema barely acknowledged her. She continued smoking instead. She needed the distraction._ _ _ _

____“I washed the dishes and I filled the fridge. You won’t need to go to the supermarket for a while, I know how much you hate shopping.”_ _ _ _

____Maca was standing awkwardly behind Zulema’s figure, desperately trying to get a reaction out of her. A nod, a sound, a shout something, anything. Maybe a “don’t leave” but that was probably too far fetched. It would mean too much, much more than Zulema was prepared to face. Or better said, more than she was willing to admit out loud._ _ _ _

____That’s exactly why Macarena was leaving. It became unbearable. This constant waiting, the craving of the unfulfilled. It’s amazing how insane you can drive someone by doing nothing. And the craziest of all, Macarena was more than eager to sacrifice her sanity if it meant having Zulema. How _pathetic is that_ , she thought. But in this game for two she wasn’t the one calling the shots. ___ _

______“Zulema.. mira me” Hearing Maca’s desperation evident in her voice, she hung her head low as if trying to compose herself and avoid breaking down in front of the blonde woman. Still Zulema refused to give in._ _ _ _ _ _

______Macarena sighed struggling to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. Without another word she turned around and made her way to the vehicle. She started the engine, stole another glance at the brunette’s back, since her face was covered and left.  
Zulema felt her heart crumble at that point._ _ _ _ _ _

______She reached for her pocket and took out a polaroid picture. It was the blonde’s sleeping beauty that was displayed, a picture that the brunette had taken a few weeks ago see as she was particularly mesmerized by the sight. She opened the lighter and set fire to the polaroid, to the memories and to everything that could be…  
_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _

**Three Years Later**

________ _ _ _ _

Zulema exited the nightclub and was heading back to her house. 

Ever since the end of their partnership she let go of everything that reminded her of the blonde, including the caravan. She settled for a penthouse in Madrid. After all turning into one of the most successful drug lords came with its privileges. She had her connections, she had her ways and she used them to build a lucrative business.  
Passing the parking lot she heard muffled screams coming from a nearby car. 

“Shut the fuck up you bitch.” Came a male voice and then a slap. 

Zulema approached the scene grabbed the man who was trying to force a probably drugged woman to comply and put a knife around his neck while pulling at his hair to gain better access. 

“No me gustan los violadores.” said Zulema in a disgusted manner.

“Who are you?” The man asks in trepidation.

“Is this how you’re gonna waste your last words?” Zulema laughed mockingly at how scared the man was.

“Por favor no!” And with that, the brunette slit his throat with no further contemplation. One less scam in the world.

She then proceeded to tend to the girl who was sprawled out in the backseats still conscious but not with enough strength to pull herself up. As Zulema reached for her, she noticed something oddly familiar. Once she came face to face with the blonde girl she realized that it was Maca who she had just saved. She couldn’t believe that after all these years they would meet under such circumstances. Hell, she hadn’t even thought she would see her again.

Macarena was barely holding her eyes open, instinctively wrapping her arms around Zulema’s neck to help her lift her up.

“Zulema” it was not a question, it was a confirmation. She would recognize the brunette beauty anywhere, no matter how much time had passed.

“Estoy aqui” was Zulema’s answer and that seemed to be enough for the blonde to completely let herself melt in Zulema’s grasp. The brunette immediately tightened her hold around the blonde’s waist to stabilize her.

“Easy rubia” it was obvious that Macarena was slowly losing her conscience, so Zulema lifted her bridal style and walked her to her house, which was a few blocks away.

Once they reached the top floor, the brunette led her to the master bedroom and gently placed her on the bed. She helped her vomit in a bucket in order to get rid of the drug in her system and then brought her some water. Minutes later Macarena was in deep sleep and Zulema stayed up all night in case she needed something.

Around 12 at noon Maca started opening her eyes feeling disoriented and immediately shoot up from her place out of fear of the unfamiliar surroundings. This caused Zulema to instantly wake from her slumber in a nearby chair and rush to the blonde woman. 

“Relax rubia soy solo yo”

“My head is going to explode” said Macarena rubbing her temples in the process desperately trying to stop the throbbing. “Què paso?”

“I found you on a parking lot yesterday, someone was trying to take advantage of you.” The memories came rushing through Maca’s head and she cursed at her stupidity for letting a stranger offer her a drink. 

“Did he…?”

“No. I took care of him and brought you here.” With a loud sigh Maca fell back on the bed.

“You can use the bathroom there. There are clothes in the wardrobe. When you feel ready come downstairs.” And with that Zulema left the room closing the door behind her.  
With a sigh she started wondering how her past always managed to catch up to her no matter how hard she tried to escape it.

It was going to be a long day.  
________________________________________

Maca took a quick shower and headed to the wardrobe in order to find something to wear. She opened it and was immediately engulfed with Zulema’s scent, numbing her senses. Mostly black clothing, she reached for a baggy hoodie and pressed her face against it savoring the long craved aroma of the brunette. And just like that everything returned in the form of flashbacks. So many years spend with this woman, so many bitter memories but surprisingly so many exhilarating, sweet, unforgettable ones as well. She still catches herself wondering what would have happened had she not left that fateful day. If she was being honest she couldn’t think of anything else. Zulema had left an imprint on her soul, greater than she had expected and more determinant than she would have liked.

She put on a single hoodie and headed downstairs. 

Zulema stood frozen on the spot admiring the blonde’s beauty as she descended the stairs. Her effortless allure still managed to captivate her after all these years. This was bad… Feelings and emotions she had convinced herself had dissipated were making their way back to the surface. She turned her stare away. This was too much. She felt ridiculous for even allowing herself to fall in this trap of emotions. Though she was greatly aware that it was not at her command to feel this way, she definitely blamed herself for her lack of discipline and control on the matter. 

“Hey” was the first thing she heard the blonde utter once she reached the floor. 

Greeting her felt suffocatingly domestic so she ignored it and instead tried to put her mask on, a false pretense, a feigned indifference to keep Maca at a safe distance. Right there she knew. She knew that she was trying too hard, meaning the danger was imminent. The possibility of being overpowered by her own emotions was lurking. It felt like a self-betrayal. Right where she needed to be composed she felt divided between showing she cares or putting her walls up. And the worst of all she never wanted so badly to do the former, but being the ever-stubborn person she is she chose the latter. 

“There’s coffee on the counter and food on the fridge. I’m heading out.” But before she had time to reach for the entrance door, a firm grip on her arm halted her steps. These eyes. These beautiful green orbs that were penetrating her gaze were enough to cause a tantrum inside of her.

“Gracias” came from the blonde’s mouth in the form of a whisper. As she retreated her hand, Zulema felt something akin to a caress so light she might as well have imagined it. She didn’t contemplate it further, she nodded her head acknowledging Maca’s word and stepped out of her house before doing something stupid. A much needed exhale came from both sides of the wall separating the former partners in…everything…almost everything.  
________________________________________

One thing she knew for sure. She was in trouble. Seeing Zulema again felt like relapsing after years of sobriety. It felt like slowly but surely falling in a deep well with no way of knowing when she was gonna land or how severe the fall would be. The best possible outcome would be to survive the fall. There was no way of knowing how much this would cost her though. 

Did she care? She should. Would that stop her? Absolutely not. She had suffered enough these three years, torturing herself with the what ifs. What would have happened if she had stayed? If she had forced Zulema to face her feelings. Did she feel the same? She thought so. Was she willing to risk getting her heart broken again based on an assumption?

Yes.

Because her instinct refused to let her think otherwise. Refused to even consider the possibility of the attraction being one-sided. Fool or not there was only one way to find out once and for all. What preceded her fear of a non-reciprocal love was her exhaustion. She was tired of regretting actions taken out of dread and fear. She gained absolutely nothing turning away from her most profound desire. 

Zulema. 

It was eating away at her soul not knowing for sure whether the feeling that defined her existence these last few years was mutual. So fear be damned, she had to try. There had to be a reason for them to meet again, it couldn’t simply be accidental.  
________________________________________

“What are you still doing here?” was the first thing that came out of Zulema’s mouth after entering her house and seeing Maca there preparing dinner. 

“What a warm welcome” was Macarena’s defensive response. Zulema exhaled placing her thumb and index fingers on the bridge of her nose. She really thought she would be gone by now. Hoped really. Because she’d much rather keep pretending than facing the past that never seized to haunt her. 

“I wanted to thank you properly, so I made dinner” tried the blonde woman in an attempt to calm the tension that was threatening to appear.

“I already ate” Zulema replied walking further into the house.

“I was trying to be nice Zulema don’t do this”.

“Do what exactly?” 

“Push me away… It’s been three years. You can at least pretend to appreciate the gesture since you’re so good at this.” She knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to provoke her, but Zulema knew better than to play rubia’s game.

“Whatever just clean the mess before you leave, I’m going to sleep”

That was it. She had almost forgotten how fucking infuriating this woman was. She was making an effort to reconcile with her since things didn’t end on the best terms the last time they saw each other. But she was making it really difficult for her. So Macarena braced herself for the fight that was threatening to erupt. She left the kitchen and walked to the dimly lit salon that Zulema was currently standing, blocking her way to the stairs. 

“What is your fucking problem Zulema? Do you despise me so much that you can’t even stand me for a few hours?” Zulema sighed at these words. The problem was that what she was feeling was the exact opposite of what the blonde had just described. Which is why she had to get away from Macarena and whatever emotion was emerging from within her. It was too much. It was all too much. She couldn’t let herself get betrayed once again. Rubia broke her heart once by abandoning what they had built. 

Together. 

It was nice, an unlikely partnership that flourished into more than any of them had ever expected. And then feelings happened. Zulema’s feelings happened. And that’s where all went downhill. She started closing off, being distant and unapproachable. Discussing about feelings was never an option so she opted for a more radical solution. She tried to reverse things, by cutting all unnecessary communication with Macarena. Never explaining why. She couldn’t let herself fall for rubia, she tried to deny it with every fiber of her being. 

Until it started to get a toll on both of them. Fighting seemed to be the only plausible solution to release all this anger, all this repressed desire. She was not stupid. The tension was palpable threatening to demolish everything they had built together. And then Maca decided to leave. And just like that Zulema tried to erase her from her life. Tried to build her defenses back up. 

She was not willing to let them fall again and along with them herself as well.

“Say something” Macarena raised the volume of her voice pushing at Zulema’s shoulders to get her to react. This act of indifference was only adding to Maca’s fury. She had to make her react.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Macarena” her voice was making her exhaustion obvious. This required too much and she just couldn’t. 

“Mira me y dime tu sientes nada” Macarena said as she drew closer to Zulema. The brunette scoffed at these words avoiding the blonde’s searching gaze. Mostly in an attempt to mask her real feelings, everything that she wanted to conceal was threatening to spill and she couldn’t allow that.

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say” came the lame reply from the brunette without looking at Maca.

“Because you’re a fucking coward!” she screamed at her face as she kept pushing at her shoulders. Before having time to register what she had just said, Zulema grabbed her by the throat and pushed her against the floor-to-ceiling window trapping her there. Her face inches away from Maca’s. She was infuriated, it was evident on her deathly stare.

“Que coño queres?” asked the brunette woman with venom in her voice. Almost gritting her teeth like a wild animal ready to devour its prey.

“Give in” A barely there whisper came from Maca due to the strong hold around her neck which was suffocating her.

Once she felt Zulema’s grip loosen she repeated almost pleadingly “Give in”. Her eyes focused on the brunette’s lips, her body as in a trance was searching for Zulema’s leaning subconsciously towards her, but not initiating anything. It had to be Zulema’s call.

********

________ _ _ _ _

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear your opinions on this!  
> Constructive criticism is always welcomed!  
> Until next time... Goodbye


	2. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!  
> A little earlier than I expected, here's the second chapter of my story!  
> Hope you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> It's slightly shorter than the previous one, but I felt like I should close this chapter there. 
> 
> *Something I've forgotten to mention: no cancer, no pregnancy, no van scene and no last heist happened in this story. The gift part and the killings that followed that scene did happen though.

“Maca…” the name slipped from Zulema’s mouth as a warning. She was searching for Macarena’s eyes, but the blonde’s were focused on her lips. Their heavy breathing was the only sound that echoed through the stillness of the moment. It felt like everything had paused, ready to be set into motion from a single decision. 

Zulema felt her head getting fuzzy, her mind ready to give up control for the sake of a kiss. _Just a taste_ she thought. Their lips a hair’s breadth away, Zulema’s eyes flickered to Maca’s lips…

“Leave” uttered Zulema with the little restraint that was left within her. Neither coldly nor hostilely, but in an imploring manner. 

“Zulema…” came a gentle whisper trying to change the brunette’s mind.

“Por favor go” that’s when Zulema let go of the loose grip that was still adorning Maca’s neck. 

The blonde woman was searching for her gaze but the brunette was deliberately avoiding it. A hurt scoff was exhaled by Maca, something akin to a muffled sob. It was a sound that penetrated Zulema’s soul, it almost felt like she was the one reacting this way. Only she was suffering inaudibly. Stuck in this inextricable pain that was spreading within her as a poison, she didn’t realize Maca had left until she heard her front door being closed with a thud. 

It was excruciating… Having to deal with long repressed emotions drained all of Zulema’s energy. She was _this_ close to follow Maca’s words. She almost gave in. But restraining herself from potential hurt was her defense mechanism. She would withdraw from situations that risked putting her in an emotionally vulnerable position. An unpleasant one at that. Even if it meant sacrificing the possibility of inviting positive emotions as well. 

Despite her denial, her feelings run so deep and with such intensity towards Maca allowing fear to settle inside her. An absolutely unwelcoming state of being. Dismay never had the space to flourish in Zulema’s soul and if something scared her more than having feelings it was admitting them. Maca was right she was good at pretending, at seeming unfazed. It was better that way. 

She almost let her emotions take over, but the sole thought that she would have to give up control, to tear down her carefully constructed walls of denial brought back her fear and along with that her rationality. Losing control meant walking in uncharted territory, it meant exposing herself. Could she really do that? Would she be willing to abandon her defense walls and risk getting hurt? 

Her thoughts were blurry, she felt exhausted. Emotionally wasted. She retired to her chamber and fell face down to the bed. 

That’s when she felt a strange material under her body. She got up and saw a dress spread over the quilt of the bed. She looked around the room and soon enough her eyes caught a small envelope bag resting upon an armchair. Zulema sighed for the tenth time that day. Pinching the bridge of her nose. _She had forgotten her things._ How would she go back to her house? Zulema reached for the bag to see what was inside. Money, cellphone, keys. Which means no way to call a cab or someone to pick her up and even if she’d miraculously reach her place she wouldn’t be able to unlock it. Which leaves only one option…

She walked down the stairs and headed to her front door opening it. Sure enough the blonde was curled against the wall in the hallway. The brunette felt a rush of guilt but she immediately recovered.

“Joder rubia” The familiar voice and the light coming from the opened door made Maca turn to face it. 

Macarena awkwardly stood up and approached the door. She was in such a hurry to leave this place since Zulema had practically kicked her out and it wasn’t until she reached the flat’s entrance that she realized she had forgotten her purse. With no way to return to her place, she went back to Zulema’s floor, but her hesitation took over deciding to wait until the morning to knock on her door, things would be calmer by then. There was pent up tension diffused in the atmosphere before she left and she didn’t want to fuel the fire. Zulema seemed exhausted and Maca believed that a possibility of her snapping at the blonde was very much likely. She couldn’t afford a fight right now. So, she thought it better to wait. But Zulema figured out she had left her things and came to look for her.

“I forgot my things” in the light Zulema noticed Maca’s tired features. Her eyes where swollen. _She had been crying._ And it was her fault. She also looked at her attire. She was only wearing her hoodie, long enough to look as a short dress, but not warm enough to protect her from a chilly night in the hallway. 

“Can I pick them up?” Came Maca’s voice which snapped Zulema out of her trance. She opened the door further allowing the blonde to step inside. They exchanged some glances trying to decipher what the other one was thinking. What was going on through their minds. And then the blonde decided to break the staring competition, it was getting intense and she hopelessly needed to dissolve the tension that was threatening to build again. 

She ascended the stairs heading to the master bedroom. Spotting her dress over the bed she started to undress in order to put back on her own clothing. Once in her underwear she felt a presence entering the room. Both surprised by the unexpectedness of the situation Zulema quickly diverted her eyes from the tempting blonde figure once she realized her state or lack thereof clothing, while Macarena urgently fumbled with the fabric of the dress blushing involuntary. She hadn’t expected the brunette to walk in the room.

The raven haired beauty went to her wardrobe in order to retrieve a warm black jacket and some comfortable shoes.

“You can take these” she said and pointed to the armchair where she rested the things. Zulema was almost out of the room when Macarena turned and thanked her for the considerate gesture. Before she left the room…

“Zulema” came a hesitant sound from the blonde. Once she had the brunette’s attention she proceeded to ask.

“Can you…?” she uttered while pointing behind her back indicating the unzipped dress. Zulema approached the figure her face unreadable. Maca kept her back turned and pushed her hair to the side in order to make it easier for the older woman to tend to the job. The mere sensation of Zulema’s presence inches behind her sent shivers throughout her body. If the brunette was aware of her effect on the blonde she didn’t comment on it. Sure enough she placed one hand above the curve of the blonde’s ass to keep the fabric in place while simultaneously reaching for the zipper. A sharp take of breath could be heard from Maca feeling rattled as she didn’t expect Zulema’s touch to be so direct and have such an intense effect on her. She didn’t immediately start zipping the dress reveling in the warmth that the blonde’s body was emanating because of their proximity. 

“Just…” came Maca’s attempt and failure at concealing her reaction towards Zulema’s ministrations, her voice husked “zip it”. No more than a whisper her tone might have just as well meant _“take it off”_ , feeling Zulema’s fingers moving slowly to close the zipper and accidentally(?) tracing her skin along the way. A barely there moan escaped from the blonde woman’s mouth, unconsciously leaning towards the touch. She was desperate to submerge in this ever-pleasant sensation. If only Zulema would let go. 

With the zipper half done, Maca turned then facing Zulema. What the brunette saw in Maca’s eyes was pure lust, a clear invitation to give in. Macarena limited the distance between the two, fixed her gaze on Zulema’s lips and grabbed the front of the older woman’s hoodie, forcing her to lean down a little and bring their faces closer. With their foreheads touching and their lips so close they were practically exchanging the same air, Macarena managed to utter in a sinfully low tone…

“I know you want this too” That’s what it took for Zulema’s façade to crumble. Her composure dissolving into thin air. Her arms that were hanging beside her body, due to her absolute shock and inability to move, instantaneously reached for Macarena’s waist, grabbing her and pulling her flush against her body. The blonde woman eagerly reciprocated the willingness by wrapping one arm around Zulema’s neck, while maintaining her hold on her hoodie and moaning into the other woman’s face. So many torturous years of resistance, deemed her absolutely unable to hold back the sound that escaped her lips. 

Before their lips could touch Zulema pushed Maca to the bed following close by and spreading the blonde’s legs, settling between them. She touched her over the underwear gaining another raspy moan. It was a carnal sensation that was dictating her actions and soon enough she set aside Maca’s underwear delving into her dripping center. Macarena was so far gone, the feeling was so intense that her back involuntary arched off the mattress, while her hand reached for Zulema’s head keeping her there. 

Feeling Zulema’s tongue on her, inside of her brought out an instinctual side in her, something she wasn’t in charge of making her buckle her hips towards the heavenly sensation between her legs. 

“Fuck... No pares Zulema” The brunette firmly grabbed her hips to steady them and her licking became increasingly wondrous bringing the blonde closer to the edge. Maca’s moans became louder by the second, fueling Zulema’s desire to pleasure her. And then she came with such intensity she almost threw Zulema out of bed, her whole body was trembling and her heart felt like it was going to combust. 

Once Maca’s body relaxed, complete silence dominated their surroundings. Neither of them dared to move. _Now what?_ Was a question that crossed both their minds. Zulema made the first move to dispel the heavy stillness. She got up from her current position and made her way to the room’s door.

“Don’t go” was heard from Macarena’s direction. Zulema halted her steps for a moment, bowing her head in an attempt to compose herself and then stepped out of the room.

Macarena exhaled while throwing her head back on the mattress, shutting her eyes in order to stop the tears from escaping. Her feelings a rollercoaster. One minute blissful the next wrecked. 

Zulema was walking down the stairs cursing her way to the balcony. Once outside the air hit her face, a much needed distraction. She lighted a cigarette and placed her elbows on the handrail lost in her thoughts. A moment later the unmistakable sound of the front door closing brought her out of her reverie. Maca had left. She finished her cigarette and stepped inside, heading to the couch on the side of the fireplace. She decided that if she were to sleep at all that night, she would do so in the salon. She just couldn’t bring herself to go back to her room, with all those images invading her thoughts. It would be plain torture. 

Maca returned to her house placing the keys on the kitchen bowl. She headed to her room lying on the bed without bothering to change. She curled herself in Zulema’s jacket inhaling deep. The brunette’s aroma still intoxicating. She wasn’t even embarrassed anymore. She was just desperate. Desperate to feel Zulema close again. God knows she hadn’t managed to sleep decently ever since they parted ways three years ago. Her body unable to relax without feeling Zulema’s essence close to her. 

Right now, she was lingering in her ambiguity. She was in pain due to today’s events, the source of it a certain brunette but at the same time she felt comfort losing herself inside the clothing of said source. She stopped trying to rationalize her thoughts and feelings ever since she found herself inexplicably drawn to Zulema by an invisible pull. It was never supposed to be like this. And yet here she was entangled in the brunette’s jacket as a substitution to the absence of her. 

After all, she was sure that at one point the hurt she was feeling at this moment would eventually subside. It always did when it came to Zulema. No matter how much the woman would infuriate her or hurt her, she found herself unable to stay mad at her for long. And, anyway, she needed an excuse to see her again. She wasn’t planning on giving up this easily. She saw and felt Zulema’s desire today and she was determined to tear down the older woman’s walls, to allow for this unbridled passion to unfold with no restraints.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you find this chapter?  
> I would love to hear your opinions! Don't be shy, express yourselves freely!
> 
> Until next time, adios!


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